Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Humor & Inspiration in Writing: So, You've Published a Book...

Carol Hedges:
Author, Blogger, Super Gran
When writers take on the publishing world, they jump in with two feet. I had NO idea what was coming in the form of marketing, sales, and random comments from strangers and not-so-strangers. I've already unveiled a few secrets of marketing and authorship. Today's Humor & Inspiration guest, Carol Hedges, will address a few more of the...uh, annoying aspects of authorship (i.e. random comments strangers and not-so-strangers make when they discover you're a writer/published author.) 

 Let me just say this about Carol Hedges, she is hysterical. Whether she's discussing her granny duties or introducing her latest book, she's professional, warm, inviting, and YES, hilarious. Introducing her to you is an immense pleasure. Take it away, Carol!
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Advice to Newly Published Writers
So you have finally published your first book! Congratulations, fellow writer, welcome to the best club on earth! And here you are now, head held high, feet a million miles off the ground, waiting for your sales to take off, 5 star reviews to pile in, and Hollywood to make that all-important call.

***ADVANCE WARNING***
As you share your wonderful achievement with family, friends and complete strangers (because you won’t be able to resist), expect to encounter the following:

1. You don’t look like a writer: this has been said to me so many times I have lost count. I have tried to get the person to define exactly WHAT a writer looks like (pallid, vacant stare, two heads, ink-stains on their jumper). All I ever get is ‘not like you.’
Apparently. they expect us to look weirder.
2. I’ve often thought I could write a book. Everybody has a novel inside them, it seems. And it is so easy to write it, apparently. Don’t bother to share the agonising hours staring at a blank screen, the sleepless nights trying to work out the plot, the constant feeling that you are wasting your time. They won’t believe you. It must be easy...after all, YOU did it.
Because that's just so easy-peasy.
3. I don’t have time for reading. Subtext: ‘I am far too busy doing important things for such idle frivolity; you clearly aren’t.’ Smile and wave, smile and wave. Put them in the next book and kill them. Slowly and painfully.
Boneheads, beware!
4. So what’s it about, your book? OK, trick question. You will be tempted to launch into your carefully written blurb, or that brilliantly crafted synopsis that took you three days to produce. Waste of time. They will inevitably reply by asking you whether your book has got any dogs in it because they like reading books about dogs.
This one's ALL about dogs. (And an easy reader!)
5. I’ve got this really good idea for a book - do you want to hear it? No, you don’t. Because this is your moment, your achievement, your book. But they will tell you regardless. In detail. They will probably then offer to let you use their idea in your next book. Resist the temptation.
The correct response to an unsolicited book pitch.
6. That (insert name of over-hyped writer) earns a fortune. Aha! Now’s your chance. Lead them carefully through the meagre royalty rates, the bookshop discounting, the amount of unpaid promotion you have to do. They won’t believe you, but it will remind you why you wanted to be a writer in the first place...for love of the craft, not for money.
I'll just leave this here...            
........and then pat yourself on the back, tell yourself that you have achieved what thousands of others can only dream of, and start writing your next book.
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Carol Hedges is the successful UK author of 15 novels. 12 for teenagers and young adults, and three adult historical novels. Her books have been shortlisted for various prizes. Her YA novel Jigsaw was long-listed for the Carnegie Medal and her first Victorian Crime novel Diamonds & Dust was listed for the 2013 CWA Historical Dagger. She is currently writing the fifth book in her Victorian Detectives series. The fourth, Murder & Mayhem, will be published later this year.
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Gorgeous cover art, Carol. Also, I'm totally in love with the pink car of joy.
See? She's a delight! I think I'll keep her (but mostly for my own amusement). Feel free to find her online, she's easy to chat with and is an amazing writer and mentor. 

Twitter: @carolJhedges
Her award winning blog: Carol Hedges 
Discover The Curious Victorian on Facebook
Visit her Amazon author pages:
Amazon (UK)
Amazon (US)

Also, you can revisit the other writers from the Humor & Inspiration Features: 
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24 comments:

  1. Carol HedgesMarch 24, 2016 at 5:29 AM

    THanks for letting me loose..I have tidies up the cake crumbs and that stain on the sofa cushion was there when I arrive. OK?

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    1. Sarah E BoucherMarch 24, 2016 at 4:19 PM

      Nope. I'm pretty sure that's where I eat my M&Ms. So you're good. Feel free to drop in anytime! #MoreCake :)

      Delete
  2. April TaylorMarch 24, 2016 at 7:38 AM

    Yep. I've had "I thought all you lot were millionaires"; "Writing must be a wonderful thing, why do you expect to get paid for it?"; "Did you get bored with retirement?" - Answer, No I retired so I could write, you moron! And, having just moved for the second time in five months - house sold in 48 hours and we had to move in with family - my next book concerns the painful and protracted deaths of a couple of solicitors and a head honcho in a national telecommunications company.

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    1. Carol HedgesMarch 24, 2016 at 7:42 AM

      YES! we have so little chances for revenge. Forget the 'all characters are fictional'....that's fictional!!!My enemy is my next villain. Karma is only for those who can't write.

      Delete
    2. Sarah E BoucherMarch 24, 2016 at 4:22 PM

      People have no idea about the real world of writing, do they. It's just sad. And yet, so much material for the next book. Keep it up, April!

      Delete
  3. Jane LoveringMarch 24, 2016 at 10:32 AM

    Oh yes, I've had all of these! And the 'I suppose you'll be giving up the day job then, to stay at home and write?' To which the only reply possible is 'are you going to sponsor me, then?' It's why such a high proportion of the population want to be writers - it's easy, it's well paid and you can do it sitting at home in your jim-jams (only one of these is true...)

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    1. Sarah E BoucherMarch 24, 2016 at 4:25 PM

      Right? I write because I can. I work because I must. And until I bag a Sugar Daddy who can fund my writing mania, nothing's going to change. BTW I'm taking applicants for the Sugar Daddy position...

      Thanks for dropping by Jane! Here's to jammies and jeans, my summer work attire!

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    2. Carol HedgesMarch 25, 2016 at 5:34 AM

      People always assume this! (mind, sometimes it is true - but only coz your only respectable pair of jeans are in the wash)

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  4. VallypeeMarch 24, 2016 at 7:55 PM

    Excellent! And all true. Add to that the fact that your family don't generally give a monkey's about your writing and aren't that impressed anyway, and your balloon is well popped from the outset. I shall share this post. Everyone should read it!

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    1. Sarah E BoucherMarch 26, 2016 at 2:08 PM

      I'm lucky my family is still in the polite, supportive stage. Sometimes they even get excited for me. But I've met plenty of people that don't care in the least. Or they expect your book to be complete rubbish, so they won't bother. Aw, the writing world is such fun, isn't it? Thanks for dropping by!

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  5. Rosie AmberMarch 25, 2016 at 3:43 AM

    Love the one about a dog! Very funny post, thanks.

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    1. Sarah E BoucherMarch 26, 2016 at 2:09 PM

      It's so true though! How often do you hear, "Ooh! That's exactly what I love reading!" Nope, it's usually, "I don't read" or "I read ____" which has nothing to do with what you work on. Whatever. No one ever said EVERYONE would love my books... :) Thanks for dropping in!

      Delete
  6. AnonymousMarch 26, 2016 at 1:58 AM

    Thank you for such an amusing post. I, too, have killed off someone who made life difficult for a while in a book. It was very cathartic to work out both a painful way for him to die and for the heroine to meet her true love. It remains unfinished because it had served its purpose by that point.

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    1. Sarah E BoucherMarch 26, 2016 at 2:11 PM

      Isn't it interesting how certain projects aren't meant for the public eye? Just a mental exercise. Writing is so helpful in exorcising the demons, isn't it?

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  7. Terry TylerMarch 26, 2016 at 10:30 AM

    Love it! I found the most common reactions were:
    "What, really? You actually sat down and wrote a novel?"
    "What's it about?" (Like they really want to know)
    "Is it going to get published?"
    "How many have you sold?" (The replied 'a few thousand' to one person who asked this got the answer 'well, you need to be selling tens of thousands'. The person who said this went bankrupt last year.
    "Is it a 50 Shades of Grey type of thing?" (I got a few of those remarks a few years ago, when everyone was reading it)

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    1. Sarah E BoucherMarch 26, 2016 at 2:13 PM

      50 Shades of Grey...grumble, mumble, grumble... I'd be tempted to reply that no, it's nothing like that poorly written. Sheesh. People really do have an odd idea of who writers are and what we do. And it's kind of fun to open their eyes to it :)

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  8. UnknownMarch 27, 2016 at 4:05 PM

    People have these funny ideas about so many professions - like when no one ever believes that not all doctors and lawyers are millionaires. I have to say that I think the looking like a writer thing is true, though. Surely you recall when Harry Potter first became huge, and all those people from JK Rowling's past came out: 'Well, she did LOOK like a writer. I always had my suspicions about her - she just had that look' ;)

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    1. Carol HedgesMarch 28, 2016 at 10:41 AM

      I know. My problem is that I'm not glamorous to be a writer...in the media sense...you need to be young & with a fab backstory.

      Delete
    2. Sarah E BoucherApril 13, 2016 at 8:17 PM

      We all know Carol has her own sparkly tiara...I know I do! I thought that was a writer thing...?

      Actually, I did insist on my students calling me Your Majesty or The Queen one day. It was awesome. I think I should do that at book signings from now on. Also, wear pearls and furs.

      Delete
  9. Shelley WilsonMarch 28, 2016 at 2:39 AM

    Brilliant and oh so funny. I've had 'can I get it in Waterstones?' to which I say, 'no, I'm an independent author so it's available on Amazon.' I then get 'oh, so you're not a proper writer!' *f*$@p#* ;-)

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    1. Carol HedgesMarch 28, 2016 at 10:41 AM

      Yep. Plus if you only publish as an ebook..well...forget it!

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    2. Sarah E BoucherApril 13, 2016 at 8:14 PM

      Well, Shelley, I get the "where can I find it?" too. It's as if the internet doesn't exist and everything has to be in paperback/hard cover format. (But maybe that's just the small, backward Utah town I call home!) Welcome to the future, people!

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  10. Anne MackleApril 2, 2016 at 1:51 AM

    Oh Carol you are so funny. I'm not writing a book but I write and the frustration is the same. When people know that I write they want to know when will the book be published. If you say your not writing a book they give you a strange look. I joined a writing group and feel I can be my true self there with like minded people.

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    1. Sarah E BoucherApril 13, 2016 at 8:11 PM

      Been there, Anne! As soon as people find out that you're a writerly type, they make assumptions. And having a support group is crucial to your mental and physical health! I'm grateful every day for my awesome writer pals...and the fact that they still beta read for me :) Thanks for stopping by!

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