Fairytales & Fancy Footwear

Regardless of my neanderthal-esque upbringing (i.e. five crazy brothers who liberally tossed about the phrase “I'll give you something to cry about,” a handyman dad who firmly believed in the merits of electrical tape and chainsaws, and a self-proclaimed tomboy mom who preferred the great outdoors to housekeeping), I am undeniably girly.

I'm the girl who hosts pampering parties, paints itty bitty toddler nails, and houses a burgeoning collection of high-heeled shoes I will never be able to wear to work. (Seriously, they have an average wearability of three hours. Like I'm going to teach kindergarten in those puppies. But they're just so pretty!)

I'm still not sure how it happened, but one day I went from chunky orthopedic footwear to peep-toes, sling-backs, and kitten heels. Somehow, I had learned the truth:

Shoes Are Magical.

And not just in fairytales.  Shoes fit when your cute pants are too snug and your fat pants with their elastic waists beacon from the nether-reaches of the closet. Shoes make your legs, behind, and too small/too big feet look sexy.  Even on the worst of very bad hair days (think cockatoo or Dudley Moore), a snug pair of Spanx and a cute pair of pumps can change your outlook on life.

Maybe that's why shoes are featured in fairytales like Cinderella. Where would Cindy be without the fairy godmother's final gift, the exquisite glass slippers? (I'll tell you where, stuck in the kitchen fetching meals for her ugly stepsisters by day and weeping into the cinders by night.)  One pair of shoes turned a "mentally abused shut in" into a princess.

As Cindy's fairy godmother understood, there is power in a good pair of shoes and a well-chosen outfit. Bella, the heroine of Becoming Beauty, shares this philosophy. However, what's a girl to do when the entire countryside is smitten with her elder sister? (It doesn't seem to matter that Cassie is uninterested in any of the gentlemen bent on wooing her.)

Thoroughly frustrated with the situation, Bella turns to what she knows best: pretty dresses, delicate dancing slippers, and expensive adornments. After wheedling the best that money can buy out of her father, Bella holds her head high at every social gathering and flirts shamelessly with the less-than-exuberant second sons and backward country gentry who figure they've got no chance with her sister anyway.

Night after night of being rebuffed would wear on any girl, especially someone as strong-willed as Bella. She could never guess that her determination and good taste will aid her in changing the life of one who has lived in darkness and shadow for far too long, and win her the love of her life.

I'm a firm believer in happy endings, so here's my advice to girls everywhere:

Thanks for dropping by, friends. Keep those adorable accessories in place and feel free to leave me a comment to tell me what makes you feel like the Queen of the World. Thanks!